Envy

Dear Robert, When I read this letter I think of some artist I admire and envy. Artists like David Bierk, Thomas Eakins, Francesco Clemente and most recently, Picasso. I look at their work and wonder…wonder what they were thinking when they did this piece, wonder how long they mixed the paint before it was just the right shade and wonder, what they did to make themselves such a success. While I am envious of these artists and what they achieve, they also make me motivated. While I have done a few paintings in my career, I know there are acres of canvas ahead of me. So, envy for me, can take on a third dimension…and that is motivation and inspiration. Then again, that is just me, John Ferrie

The “Frenemy” – a nasty little critter. I had the pleasure of being friended by someone who felt inferior to me – it became quite a toxic friendship (if you can call it that). She spent most of her time trying to cut me down at the knees (she thought she was keeping her envy well hidden) but from my perspective it was quite blatant. Especially if she rang me after she’d had a couple of wines – her true feelings stood out a mile. Funny how someone can say 2 nice things about you and/or your work then think the can then get away with 1 put down and you won’t notice the negative under current. She also spent alot of time telling me of her successes and went on a great length about how much everyone loved her work. I found it difficult dealing with her insecurities as she used to relieve them by bringing me down. I was definitely pleased to see the back end of her and won’t be friending anyone like her again. At least now I am certain to see the warning signs alot sooner. A lesson well learnt.

Hi Sarah, I’m afraid people like “your friend” will always be lurking. They need to find successful people to glom onto, gain their secrets, dispense with you then go to the next victim. Keep these type of people in a special category – NTBT – ‘not to be trusted’.

There was a man whose grown-up son had done extremely well in his chosen field. One day the father met an acquaintance, who said, “Your son is so lucky!” “Yes,” said the father, “and the harder he works, the luckier he gets.”

We all feel envy. The important thing is to make it unimportant in your life. Someone else’s success is their life, not yours. I have always felt that if I create my passion, what is in my own head and heart, that eventually someone else will like it too. So, I continue to paint, work hard, learn more and little by little I have had more success in my own life. The best part about this is that I am earning it and no one is giving it to me, nor did I take it from any body out of envy.

I think envy is something all people can feel from time to time. I don’t think any feelings you might have as a human is wrong, if you put them to use in the right way. So if I envy someone, I will work harder to reach my goals. At least I will feel that I have done something to achieve what I wanted, and not just blamed others for not doing well myself.

I feel that when an artist succeeds, all artists succeed. When an artist has created a piece of work that is satisfying to him/herself, that resonates with viewers, that is illuminating, engaging, visually attractive and profound, it validates the time we spend in the studio, attempting to craft an idea out of our experience. When an artist achieves financial success, that too is a validation for all artists: it means that people are willing to spend their hard-earned money on something other than utilitarian goods, on something of beauty, rather than on food, jewelry, lottery tickets or cars, and by doing so, it legitimizes this activity for others. Of course I envy both the talent and success of others. “I wish I had had the insight to paint that” is aspirational envy, and pushes me to do better.

Envy, is something we have all felt at one time or another. How we handle it, or what our next thoughts are, is a measure of our own good or bad character. Whenever I feel envy, it seems to be focused on more a good feeling of trying to figure out what was needed to reach the level of success of that artist. I envy their committment to reaching that level of success, not what they achieved. To envy what a person has such as good paintings, talent, connections, is so counterproductive to creating our own good paintings, talent, or connections! Talent is definitely something we all work hard at creating. Talent is only the ability to work hard and “do” what we feel is our talent. I am always amazed at people that say, “I wish I had your talent,” or “I don’t have any talent.” My comeback is always showing them is my fingers that talent is only about this much – showing them thumb and forefinger about 1/4 inch apart. “Practice” is this much I tell them and pull both my hands and arms as far apart as my short 4’10” frame will allow — and saying it with a smile! Envy, I only envy someone’s ability to focus. Then I go try harder to focus on my on “talents” and “practice.”

I have been the victim of “The new person in Town” malicious envy, so far since I have arrived in this small city I have had people report me to the City saying that I have a studio in an area that it isn’t zoned for one(not true), rumors spread I am an inferior artist trying to take students away from “Real Artists” (gee I hope not), and most recently when I became president of the local art association subject to slander over my integrity in following the rules of the association (they are mixing that up with the book I’m working on). Oh well, guess I must be doing something right!

A great example of friendly rivals … Matisse and Picasso … liberally borrowed from each other, one upped each other, traded works, etc. Two great talents, pushing each other and enriching us all …

My green eyed monster has gone away and thank goodness! It is much healthier than when I used to envy my art buddies their talent and selling success. This new state of being just happened in my late fifties. It is much more rewarding being generous. It nurtures my own creative spirit. If others like what comes out of my studio…it is icing on the cake.

Same here Louise…when I was a much younger artist I often allowed envy and jealousy to invade (and interrupt) my process. I now know this is a complete and utter waste of precious time and emotion. I look at the work of others with admiration and camaraderie now because I understand that there is room for all of us :)

It kind of puts things in perspective when the things you envy that other people have, when you don’t, are good health, enough to eat, and a place to live. Of course I envy people who can paint a lot better than I can, but it’s just not important compared with those very basic things.

There’s more to success than meets the eye. I loved the comment from a member of a band who’s music had just hit the top of the charts. He reported that the band had spent 15 years becoming an overnight success.

We have heard of the line”Keeping up with the Jones'”. I think that stems from envy. Some people will try to outdo everyone to the point of going out of bounce with our our finances. I also think that it is in human nature to envy others we perceive as better, richer or more successful than us. We then try to work towards goals to better ourselves. When I was in high school we often right in our friends autographs which was in vogue in our time to write “Hitch your wagon to a star”. I think it also brings about hero worship. It can be good for us to have to encourage us to achieve some measure of success and to strive to improve our work and be competitive. It can become pathological when we obsess about it and try to bring down the object of our envy. We can look at others works and compare with our own and try to find out what works and what does not. Give praise where it is due and be content with what we have. We look where we can improve our work.

Always “Good Stuff” from you. Thank you for all your positive ruminations and please have a wonderful Christmas and New Year full of more art ponderings!

Good observations. Please know that I am happy for you.

I am a steady follower of your words. I’m not a painterly type, though I enjoy art in many forms. I am a writer type and find your letters (and the responses to them) engaging and encouraging. I like your take on envy–especially the idea that it helps to feel that “if that person can do it, so can I.” As you probably know, that attitude (I want what that other person has) is a central motivation for those struggling to get and stay clean and sober. And, yes, I hope the LeakyLeaks guy makes it.

I can’t imagine fame going to my head because I have no problems with artists being in the news without me. They all give me examples not to follow since I don’t want to be a copycat. I want to be a parrot in my own right. And for the sake of redundancy I feel I am uniquely original. And allow me to join you in your small end-note about Assange. How hypocritical to pursue Truth by sitting across a negotiating table trying to screw the other guy by sandbagging? So if you plan to organize an artists association in support of WikiLeaks let me here the first hole in your sieve. I vote for a pointy conical pasta sieve to be our headgear.

The envy theory is absolutely true, striving to work harder and smarter by silently competing with people, I do that all the time. I wish I was an overnight wonder but that’s not to be, plus I’m a late bloomer and don’t have 20 years, so I do have to work harder. As far as Leakyleaks goes I think the more transparent a government is the better. HOWEVER, I do draw a line when you start releasing names and people die .

Yes, envy crops up in my life with distressing frequency. It vacuums the mind and controls you- freezing you in place. It denies the perfect reality of your choices, your life, the basic ingredients of what makes you and your work unique. Referring to Buddhism again, there is a technique you can use to try to level this emotion. Wish the focus of your envy, more of what they have, talent, success, money, then you won’t feel quite so impoverished.

What you said today had particular relevance to where *I* was on *my* journey. It’s all about me, right? Thank you for the day brightener. During winter and at the hour I read them, not literally, but figuratively, yes, all year long. I can’t paint every day, but I can stay focused and grounded every day.

Hmmmn…interesting to hear a positive take on envy. It’s something I battle with from time to time and I hate myself for it. I don’t think it’s a motivating factor with me- more a dark nastiness I need to keep in check: something my Mum used to refer to as a “green-eyed monster.”

I think we agree that for the productive creative being, there is no place for envy. Envy is the toxic energy of the desperate. Artists create out of passion expression. Only the self-silenced are envious. And in despair. For in “if you can so can I” is personal responsibility. The responsibility to answer the call to your own potential.

As Oscar Wilde said, “It is not enough to succeed, one’s friends must fail.”

Claudia, that’s Leakyleaks, not Wikileaks. So far it cannot be demonstrated that anyone has died, although the plumbing reporter, at least, is probably still at liberty.

I look forward to each of your postings. They are often motivational and always thought provoking. I am seldom motivated to engage in feedback but for this most recent post “Envy”. Perhaps the best word for when you work with someone who appears more successful or more talented is to describe the relationship as “coopetition” derived from cooperative competition. John Lennon: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.

You can get into trouble by coveting your neighbour’s ass.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

Envy — the resentful or unhappy feeling of wanting somebody else’s success, good fortune, qualities, or possessions. Ok, so when you really think about it, envy cost a person a lot of time and effort, and self respect — it has repercussions of internal pain and neglect. Time to suck it up and stick with the program. One day someone may be envious of you, and because you’ve experienced the pain, no matter what degree — you may find the right words to say — The envious person is not a bad person, it’s just being plain human that hurts. Envy and jealousy, both are dangerous but envy, is said to be the worst.

Envy is simply self torture. YES to enlarging ourselves by BREAKING FREE of our comfort zones and rewriting a bigger life story. Don’t let envy get in the way of your own personal success. No one, really NO ONE ….NO —– ONE is like you, and you are good. YOU have something to say… YOU are amazing, and everything’s going to be ok. This kicks envy out of the sad sac and put some good light on the picture.

Envy and jealousy are often used interchangeably, but in correct usage they stand for two different distinct emotions. In proper usage, jealousy is the fear of losing something that one possesses to another person (a loved one in the prototypical form), while envy is the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself. Envy typically involves two people, and jealousy typically involves three people. It is possible to be envious at more than one individual at any given time. Usually envy involves wanting the beauty, wealth, or socioeconomic status of another individual. Envy and jealousy result from different situations and are distinct emotional experiences. Both envy and jealousy are etymologically related to schadenfreude, the rejoicing at, or taking joy in, or getting pleasure from the misfortunes of others.

Thank you Scandinavia Spirit, envy and jealosy are two very different entities. We are one on one with envy, but it takes three to get the ugly , nasty bug of jealosy going. Be kind to others efforts, I will only come back to you with much favor.

Thanks for this lighthearted and true letter. I find whenever that twinge of envy shows up, it is a good indicator that I need to shoot for something that will keep me moving forward ease-fully. It’s an initiator toward better health in a broad sense, and I can even participate in the Buddhists “mudita” and take it further to gratitude for the ones who are attaining success. They are creating an opening and a stream of possibility.

I’m half way through the book of all your letters. I wanted to say I love this stuff. Thanks for sharing. I’m loving gradations, line ups, look three times, think twice, paint once, squeeze out before coffee (even though i don’t drink it), paint the difficult bits first, and everything else in that big book. Thank-you for being you. I also just found the zingers at the back of the book and peed my pants laughing. Revelstoke, B.C

Thank you for all your motivating letters and a merry Christmas to you and your family, also a happy New Year.

Life is too short to be small, said someone, I don’t know who. But it’s true, artists can be small and sometimes I think they are getting smaller. Maybe we all are. But not me. I’ll fight it. “Envy is a littleness of soul, which cannot see beyond a certain point, and if it does not occupy the whole space feels itself excluded.” (William Hazlitt)

Envy does its worst work in us when we do not recognize it nor name it. It does its best work in us when we understand what it is we envy–and use it to push ourselves forward in our work and our life. It was in your column some time ago that I read the comment, “I have lost more friends to jealousy than to any other disease.” (Tatiana) It was a profound moment for me. I truly knew that I am not responsible for other people’s feelings, only my own. From then on, I used that envy to move myself forward. Because if we don’t, then we’ve used our envy as an excuse to give up, and not do our best work. Thank you, Robert, and thank you Tatiana, for THAT moment, and thank you for this one.

In response to Sarah (Dec. 14) I think I’m friends with your “frenemy”! She constantly tells me how much everyone loves her work. And, Patsy (N. Ireland) wheneven I win an award, she (this “friend”) tells me how “lucky” I am, and I say, maybe it just means I’m good.

Thank you, Robert, for this topic of envy which struck a familiar cord with me and with so many people. Once again, I am reminded I am not alone, even though I work alone.

I am going through that now, actually. Repeating in my mind to keep going, trying, persevering and do what I love . Regardless, we just moved to a hustling little metropolis near east Tennessee University. Found a wonderful opportunity to live in a commercial building, and we opened up a little eclectic studio where we will have sketching classes, music classes (husband is a master classical guitarist) hell, whatever we can do to make this place a resource, an asset to the community, and to us! So thought I would introduce myself to 2 of the most prominent artists in town, both of whom own very nice studio/gallery establishments downtown, via email. One artist,which has a lot of the same attributes that I do. A portrait artist as well and also marketing murals ( by the way, a wonderful artist!!) So I was excited and included in my email that I would love to learn as much as I could from her and if I could be of any help, what-so-ever to let me know. This was a month ago. I even sent it twice to make sure she got it. Both establishments did not respond, welcome to the area, nada. I have to tell you, I am a little dismayed. Hurt my heart a little. I am wanting to integrate into the local art community so bad. Its a healthy thing to do for the soul and hell, Im lonely, and want other artists perspectives, to learn from them. With that said , I am still here, trying to be oblivious and its hard not to want to put myself in solitude for fear of being shunned yet once again. But in order to succeed with this little place we have going, wouldn’t it be wise to be friendly with these people? Granted I am only going to beg but so much, but should I extend my hand yet once again?

Wow. I’m not an envious creature myself, and I see many people here are not, but I never had thought about the destructive power of envy in others directed at me art-wise. The frenemies struck me. I’m a tad naive and always assume the best in folks. I was also struck by the two artists who moved to new towns and are instant pariahs. I suppose for that you must eliminate the threat they feel and accentuate the positive you can bring to them. How? i’m not sure. How hard do you try? Well, I guess the alternative, not trying, is an option. I am still learning from my healing wounds the power of those with power. Good luck to all.

To Mark Anthony: email is not always reliable and there’s always a chance that they did not actually get your message. Perhaps a personal visit to their studio to introduce yourself might be a good idea. Just in case. And who knows, even if they did get it and did not respond for whatever reason, a personal visit could result in the beginning of a friendship. What have you got to lose?

Mark, hear what you’re saying. Bear in mind, most professional artists do not have assistants to perform all the functions that need doing to be successful; so perhaps their lack of response is a time problem. Be patient, join local/regional art organizations, offer to do demos or jury shows, volunteer where you see a need. Relationships evolve although not as quickly as we might wish.

Mark, put yourself in their shoes. Your request to them is implying change in their life, that they may not be able or want to accommodate. From your perspective, it’s a needed and good thing. But they are on their own road of life and why should they bend towards your plan? That’s the worst case scenario for you…but it’s always better to meet in person and chat – emails are full of garbage nowadays and nobody takes them seriously.

Pay your models..

I don’t rely on email for meeting artists, much better to do it in person. Also it is good to have a copy of your portfolio so they can see what type of work you do. I would suggest building a rapport with them before you go and try to start a new community project and getting them involved on the ground floor. I would also suggest starting the project without them and getting things rolling before approaching them, it shows initiative and not just another pipe dream. Good Luck with your projects!

Barney Smith, the only way to learn to make portraits without tools is to practise without tools. Imagine how you would be walking if you learned using crutches.

I will be doing a workshop in Ireland this year and I look forward to any artists there that would like to join me! See the workshop listing for Sharon Rusch Shaver.